How old is that girl anyway? Age is relative.

My friend is 25 in American years, but 27 in Chinese years. Shenme?! (What) That's what I said!

As an American or Westerner, it would be logical to assume that everyone in the world follows the same methodology for determining their age, but as I learned early on living in China, that's not the case.

Most Westerners use the Roman calendar to ascertain their birth date and the corresponding year to figure out their age. For example, I was born in July of 1983, so I'm 25. When my birthday comes around, I'll be 26. Seems simple enough.

Many Chinese people, however, use two calendars. Previously, they primarily used the Lunar calendar, which follows the cycles of the moon. Having always had a fascination with the moon (my mom called me her "moon child" as a kid), I think this is awesome! Most Chinese cell phones and homes have both the Lunar and Roman calendar.

Now that China has opened up to the rest of the world, the Roman calendar is primarily used for business and daily life, but the Lunar calendar is used for traditional festivals. Spring Festival is the most important holiday in China and indicates the Chinese New Year, which is intricately connected with a whole other astrological system with the 12 animals I discussed in the last post and a system of elements.

So why am I 27 in many parts of China? Several people from the southern part of China, where I live, still follow a more traditional way of determining age. When a child is born, he/she is already considered to be one year old, rather than zero. On top of that, every Spring Festival, a person adds another year to his/her age. Since the first day of Spring Festival just occurred, I'm now 27.

You may be wondering okay, interesting, but what does it really matter? Age takes on a curious significance in China. Certain things are meant to happen by certain points in one's life.

Like in the States, most children start kindergarten around 5 or 6. It's more or less the same in China. What's different is that once a child starts studying, that is the most important task in his/her life up until he/she graduates from high school, university, or graduate school. While studying, that is the number one responsibility. Therefore, dating before university is highly discouraged. If caught, it is common that the teacher or both parents will break-up the couple (especially in more rural parts of China like Ningyuan).

Most Chinese get married in their 20's, between the ages of 22-28. In general, if a woman is not married by the time she's 30, she will have an increasingly difficult time finding a husband. This is changing in larger cities like Beijing, Shanghai, and Shenzhen where many women put their careers first. If a man is not married by the time he's 30, it's not as big of a deal because he too, is probably working on his career.

On top of the pressure to get married, there's the desire to have children by the age of 30. The main reason I've heard for this is that it is better for the child, if the woman has the child earlier because after 30 there are more health risks. The other reason I've been told is because the elderly want to be grandparents in their retirement and to see and spend time with the next generation in their family.

Last year, one of my best Chinese friends said to me, "We are going to be 25. Are you scared?"

"Scared? Why?" I responded.

"Because it's close to 30!" We were both single at the time.

I shrugged. "Nah."

"Wo hen pa!" (I'm very scared).

So, now when people ask me my age, I respond with 25 or I just directly say the year I was born, and he/she can tack on whatever age he/she feels appropriate.

I have to say though, that this whole different way of looking at age and time reminds me that it is all relative anyway, and that it's humans that put the restrictions on time, not time that puts restrictions on us.